Journal Entry

If I’m not experiencing an episode then it’s just the fear that one is right around the corner. I have no escape.

– Julie Johnson, from the book Unveiling the Sky

Hubby and I went to see Baywatch yesterday. It’s been forever since I’ve been to the theater. Are all movies becoming half low budget or was it just that one? I was funny and whatnot, but the stunt special effects sucked.. For the past 3 nights I’ve been having nightmares about him being unfaithful. I wish they’d stop, instead they just reel through my mind 24/7. I hate it and I wish I could stop it. It’s already been 2 weeks since I’ve been laid; my mind doesn’t need to be thinking shit like it is. I swear I take one step forward and 10 steps back from these diseases/disorders.

It pisses me off that my husband’s family doesn’t understand the seriousness of all of this. I keep reaching out to him and his family to no avail. They don’t help. Instead I get, “All men do it,” “I  know he loves you and would never hurt you,” and my all time favorite “He still comes home to you at night.. ” Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors and they don’t want to listen when I tell them about an incident!

I’m not scheduled to see my new psychiatrist until late June. That’s the bad part of all of this.. I’m not the only one suffering. That means other people go through what I do day in and day out. I don’t wish this on anybody.

**If anyone has tips on some coping skills or distractions, I would love to hear about them. Maybe it could help me.**

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