Even at my ugliest you always say
You’re beautiful and sick like me
– In This Moment
You have no sympathy for me?
I have no sympathy for you
Treat others the same as you would want
Now that may be true
I’ve changed for the worse
If you can, open your eyes and see
I have venom in my blood, my heart is ice
Please don’t get in my face, no not me
If I’m not experiencing an episode then it’s just the fear that one is right around the corner. I have no escape.
– Julie Johnson, from the book Unveiling the Sky
Hubby and I went to see Baywatch yesterday. It’s been forever since I’ve been to the theater. Are all movies becoming half low budget or was it just that one? I was funny and whatnot, but the stunt special effects sucked.. For the past 3 nights I’ve been having nightmares about him being unfaithful. I wish they’d stop, instead they just reel through my mind 24/7. I hate it and I wish I could stop it. It’s already been 2 weeks since I’ve been laid; my mind doesn’t need to be thinking shit like it is. I swear I take one step forward and 10 steps back from these diseases/disorders.
If you expect nothing from somebody, you are never disappointed.
– Sylvia Plath
The quote above is very true. Since I’m a person that loves with my whole heart, it’s quite difficult. This most recent week, I found that someone very near and dear to my heart had yet again betrayed me. I argue almost every day with this person about infidelity. It doesn’t help nor matter. I argue with him anyway. It doesn’t do anything but make things worse, for me especially. Advice: If you’re married, don’t open a fucking online dating profile.
Continue reading “Journal Entry”
Without the dark, there’s no light.
– Julie Johnson
They say without the sun there is only dark
Well, without the dark there is no light
Most days I am under that black as night cloud
Very seldom is there brightness
Though, that bright day is so amazing
I never thought I could feel like that
Enjoying the birds, the sky, the dirt
I can also breathe the cleanest of air
My attitude is not hateful
My body does not shake
My mind does not reel
My attitude is free
My body is free
My mind is free
That means my soul is finally free..
**Does it seem like I pulled this one out of my ass? I wanted to try something other than the rhyming cliche..**
Holy shit! I need to tell everyone, thank you all for your feedback (all positive so far). I’m planning on publishing a poetry chapbook with the poems that I post and everyone’s likes and follows make me think that I really could potentially publish this thing. Before I was thinking, “Well nobody is going to want to read my depressing shit.” I forget sometimes that I share similar mentalities as other people. Thanks again! (:
-PS Feel free to comment. Feedback is always welcome..
I try again and again
It’s still not good enough.
My chest aches and aches
Holy shit the stress is rough.
I think and think
Of what I could do
My brain hurts and hurts
I must still not be good enough for you.
Anybody ever wake up and been like “Oh fuck, I’m going to be a crazy one today..” Those are the days that you’re pissed off, then apologizing the following ten minutes. You’re crying your eyes out, only to be manically laughing afterward. The shit sucks really. “Tomorrow is a new day.” No shit? Damn I get tired of hearing that sometimes. “AA/NA meetings will help you with your mentalness.” Uhm, no, it won’t. I’m not an alcoholic or a crackhead.
- Ehh, late evening rants are awesome and somewhat calming. Get used to it people, it’s all going on this blog!